Author Archives: Hayley Campbell

A horror story that starts with Twitter

This originally appeared in Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer’s guest-edited issue of the New Statesman.  There’s a horror story that no one has written yet that starts with the draft tweets of every human on earth being published by mistake. A … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized

I Could Feasibly Murder a Guy In My Sleep And Get Away With It

An edited version of this was on VICE UK No one is 100% certain how bullshit the cases are, but in 2005 a doctor giving evidence in a homicidal sleepwalking trial in the UK stated that there had been 68 … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized

‘Anatomy of Hell’ Was The Film That Made Me Fear My Own Junk

An edited version of this was on VICE UK “TIFU by letting my boyfriend finger me” is a reddit story that was flying around on twitter for a whole day putting everyone off their tea and vaginas. This story reminded … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized

The Art of Neil Gaiman is out in the USA

My book is out today in America (UK, elsewhere: you’ll get it in July). It’s called The Art of Neil Gaiman and it’s about Neil Gaiman and all the stuff he’s done. I interviewed him for a week in Scotland. … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized

The Return

The first time I went to Bath I took with me the craziest fart disease I have ever had. We laid the blame on an M&S Aberdeen beef sandwich I ate on the Paddington Station platform and I spent most … Continue reading

Posted in Essays

How Not To Die On a Bike in London

Here is a piece I wrote for the New Statesman‘s transport-themed week, A to B. Ever since I wrote it I feel like I’ve jinxed myself. I put my helmet on in the morning and I wonder if it’s a … Continue reading

Posted in New Statesman

I Blame Myselves

I’m not gonna lie to you here: I am a person on the Internet, and unless you’re trying to fool future employers or put your dick in something you’re not supposed to I see no reason to lie on Internet. … Continue reading

Posted in Essays

The Almost Literal Elephant In The Room

I am a tall lady. Absolutely massive. When I was wee and my Mum read me Bill Peet’s Huge Harold she would point at the rabbit who grew so enormous he had to leave town and sleep in a barn, … Continue reading

Posted in Essays

Open Letter To Hot English People

If you are somewhere that is not England right now, perhaps in an igloo or a submarine or even another country, then you are likely to be unaware that London and its surrounding area (“England”) is in the sweaty death-grip … Continue reading

Posted in Essays

Eat Your Makeup

People often ask me what I do to my eyebrows in a (if you’re my Dad) “what have you done to your eyebrows” way, or a “so tell me how you do your amazing eyebrows” way if I am drunk … Continue reading

Posted in Essays